Dealing with Rejection
There are a number of reasons why we may need to reject or break away from someone. It could be because they have been disrespectful to you or about you, or they have repeatedly not listened or respected what you need from them. They may look at you as an experiment, a purely sexual object, or as a “pet project”. They may also just be in a different place in life in a way that isn’t suitable or sustainable for an ongoing connection, even if that wasn’t the case originally. We may need to put new boundaries in place to create space or take time to work through issues that might arise in a particular kind of connection, or ultimately we might need to walk away and cut contact. Like we have said earlier, yours and other people’s personal safety in all situations is the most important thing.
For many within the our communities, rejection may be a common experience whether it involves us being rejected or us having to reject or withdraw from others. As with all areas of wellbeing, it’s helpful to have some strategies on how to cope with rejection or go about saying no or breaking away from other people. Again, this doesn’t have a single right or wrong way and it is also important to look after yourself and practice self-care if you’ve gone through an experience of rejection. Some of the strategies in the above section might be helpful, practicing intimacy with yourself or important others and generally doing things that make you happy or that you are interested in is a great approach.
Being rejected as a Trans, Gender Diverse or Non-Binary person can feel personal a lot of the time as it is often about your body, identity, presentation or sexuality, and the impacts of transphobia and cisgendered heteronormativity are serious and widespread. It may not be personal though, or it may be that someone wasn’t getting their needs met by you and you should try to debrief with a trusted support person to work through your feelings when rejection happens. Remember that we are all worthy and deserving of care, love, respect and intimacy – if someone has been cruel or unkind then it says more about them and their issues, not us. Of course, all of this becomes very difficult to remember if you feel rejected and your mood may be low. Remember that feeling lonely, despairing or hopeless does not to feel inevitable or endless, and know your warning signs if you are falling into a dark place. Seek the care of people who love and support you for who you are. Reach out to community even if you aren’t always connected with them. Don’t give up. Ask for support, guidance or advice. Your life matters.
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